MY POEMS

YA YA - IT'S LOVE

YA YA – HE’S IN LOVE, SHE’S IN LOVE

WE’RE ALL IN LOVE FOR AWHILE

BY THE TIME WE WE’RE IN OUR 50’S

WE’VE ALL GOT A PILE

 

OF OLD LOVES, NEW LOVES, ROTTEN LOW AND SICK LOVES

FORGOTTEN SOME, CAN’T REMEMBER THE NAMES OF A FEW

THE ONLY THING WE’VE LEARNED IS-

TRUE LOVE ISN’T TRUE

 

THE EXCITEMENT IN THE BEGINNING

THE CHASE AND THEN THE CAPTURE

IS LIKE A ROMANTIC SONG UNDER THE STARS IN RAPTURE

 

YOU LIVE AND BREATH THOUGHTS OF YOUR NEW LOVE

SOONER THAN YOU THINK

YOU’LL RUN FOR COVER

BECAUSE THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

YOU JUST FOUND OUT

HAS A HUSBAND OR A WIFE

OR A SECRET OTHER LOVER

 

YA YA, WE’RE ALL IN LOVE

IT ALL FITS SO NICE

WE FEEL LIKE GLOVES

ROMANCE AND MUSH-

WE ALL KNOW HOW IT FEELS

UNTIL IT TURNS TO RUST

AND YOUR HEART IT STEALS

 

SO WE START AGAIN OR MAYBE JUST DON’T CARE

SO MANY TIMES FALLING IN LOVE JUST ISN’T FAIR!

DEATH IS INEVITABLE, FINAL AND COLD

IT CAN BE UNEXPECTED, PLANNED, SOMETIMES A BLESSING

I WONDER UP IN HEAVEN IF YOU CAN GO ANYWHERE OR SOME PLACES YOU’RE TRESPASSING

 

NONE OF US WILL AVOID IT, GET OUT OF IT-LIVE FOREVER

ALL OF US WILL FEEL THE SORROW OF A LOVED ONES DEATH

SOME OF US WILL BE LUCKY TO BE WITH WHEN THEY DRAW THEIR LAST BREATH

MOST CANNOT IMAGINE LOSING A CHILD-SOME OF EXPERIENCED THIS GREATEST LOSS

AND THEN WE WONDER HOW TO BELIEVE IN THE “HIGHER POWER, THE SACRED CROSS”

 

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE-MOST DO NOT KNOW WHEN THEIR TIMES UP

WE ALL NEED TO GRIEVE AND THEN LET IT GO

LIFE IS SHORT, WE NEED TO LIVE AND ALWAYS GROW

 

BIRTH & DEATH ARE VERY SIMILAR, BOTH ENTER INTO A NEW STATE

I WONDER FROM DEATH WHEN WE ENTER WILL WE THINK IT’S GREAT

WE ALL MUST CELEBRATE OUR LOVED ONES LIFE

GRIEVE FOR NOT TO LONG

HOLD A LIVING WAKE

TO SAY GOODBYE AND SHARE SOME CAKE

EXCHANGE SOME WISDOM’S FOR HEAVENS SAKE

 

COME ONE DAY WE WILL ALL EXPIRE

LET US HOPE THEN WE’LL OF BUILT AN EMPIRE

OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

 

HOW COULD I HAVE FALLEN FOR ANOTHER MAN WITH BOOZE

ON HIS BREATH, IN HIS VEINS AND ALWAYS ON HIS MIND

DOOMED IS MY RELATIONSHIP & I AM SINKING FAST

I KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING OUR TIME

TOGETHER WOULD NEVER LAST

 

I TRY TO REASON, I TRY TO MUCH

I TRY AND TRY AND THEN I CRY

I’M TIRED OFGUESSING ALL THE REASONS WHY

HE CAN NEVER QUIT FOR MORE THEN A MONTH OR TWO

HIS BEHAVIOR IS OUT OF CONTROL

DECISIONS HE MAKES ARE FAR FROM WISE

ALANON WILL HELP ME TO NOT CHOOSE ANOTHER OF THESE GUYS

 

I GO TO MEETINGS TO HELP MYSELF OUT OF THIS SICK LIFE

I GO TO ALANON TO KEEP MYSELF

FROM BECOMING ANOTHER DRUNKS WIFE

I GO TO MEETINGS TO HELP ME GET BACK MY SELF ESTEEM

I GO TO ALANON SO I CAN ACHIEVE ALL MY DREAMS

YOU CAN GET INTO ALANON AND THEN ALANON GETS INTO YOU

 

WITHOUT THIS PROGRAM YOU COULD GO NUTS

ONE DAY AT A TIME, TO BE STRONG TAKES GUTS

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE SO GET OUT OF YOUR RUT

DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, GET OFF YOUR BUTT

ALANON ESTEEM

DAUGHTER

 

Where did she go? My sweet cuddly little girl

She use to call mommy from her crib and follow me from room to room

Now at fifteen she orders me out

Oh and knock before you enter

I use to be her mom that was the center of her world

At fifteen she will not listen to any of my words

 

I lost my little girl just a couple years ago

It still feels like I was hit with a hard left blow

Where did my sweet cuddly curly haired little baby girl go?

 

She grew up into a teenager

With a great big mind all of her own

If she is not on the computer then she has to be on her phone

The only thing she wants of me now is to leave her alone

 

Just the other day she told me I use to be coo

And not too long ago I would lay with her to take a nap

I must just accept this big empty gap

 

She use to be my sweet cuddly baby girl

The one who wrapped her arms around my neck

And gave me a kiss that you could hear the smack

I miss her

 

But mothers know they come back after life slaps them about

They experience heartbreak and wonderment

That life can truly give

They come back and wrap their elegant arms around your neck and whisper

I love you mommy, I love you, thank you for being my mommy

 

Now she is a mommy and made me a glammy

The joy it brought you would think I won a grammy

Thank You Daughter 4 coming back with Hailee

You two bring such blessings to my life daily.

3/23/03 75th academy awards

10/1/11 added on.

I AM ANTISIPATING THE JOURNEY,

THAT CAR RIDE TO VISIT DAD

EXCITING & LOOKING FORWARD BUT I KNOW TO REMAIN COMPOSED

I THINK MORE ABOUT THE TIME TO GO-

THAT MOMENT OF SAYING GOOD-BYE

 

I GET STRONGER WITH AGE, I THINK I CAN SAY IT WITHOUT TEARS

I’LL WONDER THEN IF IT WILL BE OUR LAST-

IT IS DEFINATELY ONE OF MY FEARS

 

YOU SEE I’VE LIVED MOST OF MY LIFE MISSING

ALL YOU DID’NT KNOW HOW TO GIVE

I REMEMBER ROSE LAKE, AT GRAMMA’S CABIN,

I WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL

I REMEMBER HOW YOU LAUGHED WHEN I SAID,

“I’M SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE BEAR”

 

I REMEMBER THE COLDNESS IN YOUR WORDS

WHEN YOU SPOKE ABOUT OUR MOTHER

I CAN RECOLLECT THE KNIFE FIGHT AT GRAMMA’S

IN THE DRIVE WITH YOUR OLDER BROTHER

 

BELIEVE IT OR NOT! I THINK YOU’D BE PROUD,

TO KNOW ME, WHO I REALLY AM

I HAVE COME A LONG WAY FROM THAT MIXED UP LITTLE GIRL

WHO HAD NO SELF ESTEEM

I AM FUNNY & SMART, I BELIEVE IN MY DREAMS

I STICK TO MY WORD, HOLD NO PREDJUDUCE

AND I CAN COOK A PRETTY GOOD DINNER

 

NO MATTER HOW MANY MILES or YEARS THAT SCURRY BY

I KNOW THAT JUST MERE THOUGHTS OF YOU WILL ALWAYS MAKE ME CRY

WE PROBABLY WILL NEVER GET TO SAY ALL THE WORDS

AND I KNOW IT WILL BE QUITE DIFFICULT TO SAY GOODBYE

BUT YOUR GRANDKIDS & I WILL MAKE THE JOURNEY

 

AND HOPEFULLY THEY MIGHT GET TO KNOW

THEIR DISTANT GRANDPA, THE ONE WITH THE PLANE

THE RETIRED MAILMAN EVERYONE CALLS JOE

 

HE SLEEPS ALONE EVERY NIGHT IN HIS EASY CHAIR

AND HE IS RARELY EVER HOME

HE HAS BEEN RUNNING EVER SINCE HE WAS A LITTLE BOY

AND THE WOMAN HE LIVES WITH HAS NOT ONE CLUE

WHO HE IS

 WHERE HE HAS BEEN

LET ALONE WHAT HE NEEDS

 

HE JUST NEVER TOOK THE TIMETO TEND TO HIS HEART 

HIS ONLY CHILD HAS BEEN HIS WHOLE LIFE

HE BARELY EVER TALKS TO HIS WIFE

WORK AND FRIENDS FILL HIS LIFE UNTIL HIS BABY GIRL IS GROWN

AND EVERY NIGHT IN HIS EASY CHAIR HE ALWAYS SLEEPS ALONE

 

YEARS SLIPPED BY AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE

SHE BLASTED INTO HIS HEART

AND BEGAN TO TOUCH HIS SOUL

AND NOW EACH NIGHT THOUGHTS OF HER DANCE OUT OF CONTROL

HE NEVER THOUGHT OR  DREAMT HE WOULD FALL IN LOVE SO DEEP

NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES HE TRIES NOT TO

HE KNOWS IN HIS HEAD THIS WOMAN

HE MUST KEEP CLOSE TO HIS HEART,

TOUCHING HIS SKIN BELIEVING IN HIM

 

EVERY NIGHT IN HIS EASY CHAIR

HE WONDERS WHY THIS IS SO UNFAIR

HE KNOWS THAT A LIFE WITH HER HE MUST SHARE

NO MATTER TO WHOM IT MIGHT BE UNFAIR

9/4/01

A MOTHER'S DENIAL

 

Denial and selfish behavior has taken over her body and soul

It shows up in all her relationships and turned her heart to coal

No one gets to close-

Affection and love is no where in her heart

Because blocking loves emotions was learned behavior from the start

 

She built a wall to enclose her feelings

And lived most of her life with no affection receiving

2nd husband was a man she was in love with-NOT

That sacrifice in itself backfired a lot!

The last years of her marriage was filled with hatred towards each other

And since he passed away those feelings have transferred towards her daughters

 

Feelings of despair and self-loathing took over her whole life

Obsessed with food became her reason for living and caused constant strife

She could never acknowledge pain of being molested by her father

She let if fester inside her body and it destroyed her as a mother

Her 4 daughters became the target of her “Cut Downs” about each other

And towards the end it all came back upon her Her daily existence became lonely and sad

Most of this mess started with “THE SECRET”Buried about her DAD

 

In revenge, she stole the 4 daughters away from their father

And she painted him evil Never would she give him forgiven retrieval

She must punish herself to the point of demolition and despair

The daughters often wonder why she seems to just not care

 

About their lives, who they have become- How their passions have sculptured their worlds

Selfish and self-absorbed are the words chosen to describe

When alone I am sure, each daughter finds it difficult to understand

How a Woman, a Sister and Daughter can let a man

Rob her self worth and most of her joy

 

The sadness and the hurt she carries inside has crippled her soul

Each of us at times I am sure feels sad

I find it ironic-These 5 women all have issues about the first man in their life

Causing many heartaches in adulthood and becoming wives

When you deny-and lie to yourself and the ones you hold dear

And you refuse to face your demons and slay them once and for all

 

“Then all you will get is what you give” and the choices that you made

Will either rob or give you peace and joy

It is really all a trade

So to my dear mother, I want to say I am truly sorry for all of your pain

Especially any I have caused but my feelings still remain

Of loss – We all lose in all our own ways

We have all paid for sins denied

Owning and acknowledging the grief is the only way to the release

And hopefully in the end all involved will find peace!

 

5-13-07 Mothers Day